You Are Not Alone
by jelly-belly-babe
Summary: AmyAlex Fic. However strong a person tries to be, at some point they always need help.
1. Part One

**YOU ARE NOT ALONE**

My First Amy/Alex fic – tell me what you think!

Disclaimer: Mt. Thomas and all characters belong to Blue Heelers, Southern Star and Channel 7. Lyrics belong to Geelong Footy Club, Powderfinger and Foreigner.

**PART ONE**

"Amy!"

Amy stuck her head out of her office where she had been deeply engaged in her own wandering thoughts under the pretense of writing a report.

She traced the voice to the Sergeant who was sitting at his desk, a phone in his hand.

"Yes Mark?"

"There's been a torching of a property out on Widgeree Rd. A Mr Douglas, suspected arson. You might want the use of a uniform?"

"What about PJ?" Amy inquired.

"He's finishing his last pages of ceremonial paperwork. I was thinking maybe just give him a quiet ride out for his last day. Susie and Evan are out on patrol and Kelly and Joss are-"

Suddenly an ear-splitting shriek came from the ceiling and both Amy and Mark winced.

"-changing the batteries on the fire alarms."

"Sorry!" Kelly's voice wafted in from the front desk and Mark shook his head.

"Do you want to take Senior Constable Kirby?"

"Okay."

She turned to survey the station. She saw messy desks, scratched filing cabinets, mountains of paperwork, but no Kirby.

"Alex!"

Amy raised her voice in an effort to locate the Leading Senior Constable.

He emerged from the mess room a couple of moments later and gave Amy a low bow.

"How can I be of service ma'am? Coffee?" He offered her his mug which was adorned by the Geelong Cats logo.

Amy raised her eyebrows.

"In a Cats mug? Are you joking? Blue and white, 'We are Geelong, the greatest team of all,  
we are Geelong, we're always on the ball'? Not in this lifetime."

"Ah, a chick who follows her footy. I respect that."

"Actually I don't – but it's interesting what you read in public toilets."

"Hey, whatever." Alex surrendered taking a sip.

"You called?"

"You're coming with me to a torching on Widgeree Road. Suspected arson."

Alex walked over to her, leaning against the desk, dangerously close to her.

"To what do I owe this honour?"

Amy rolled her eyes pushing him away.

"Believe me, it isn't by choice that you're coming with me. More like last resort."

"Come on Foxy, you know you love me deep down. I know I do." His eyes sparkled.

"Baby I've got you on my mind" He crooned.

"Honey you won't ever know,

How much I need ya by my side,

Promise you I'll never go-"

"Kirby if you don't put a sock in it, I can't make any promises about the state of your physical health in the coming moments."

"Ooh. Fiesty…I could get used to that! I think I feel another song coming on!" Alex announced as they got into the CI car.

Sighing, Amy resigned herself to the fact that he was not going to shut up.

"You're cold as ice….you never take advice….it happens all the time…you're closing the door, you leave the world behind…"

As hard as she tried to block out his off-key singing, his words still penetrated her ears and Amy couldn't help think that maybe they had a bit of truth to them.

"Anything else turns up, you can call the Mt Thomas station. Failing that, there's not much more we can do." Amy told an old Mr Douglas, an hour and a half later.

"But there must be!" The old man's face showed his age as he looked up in desperation.

The fire had been a bad one. Almost the whole property had been destroyed along with sheds of produce, most of his house and years of memories.

"I'm really sorry but we just cannot find any evidence."

"It was that flaming kid down the road. I know it was!"

"I'm sorry but we've paid him a visit and he has a confirmed alibi for last night. If anything else comes to mind, you can give us a call."

"Failing this, I hope you have a good relationship with your insurance provider!" Alex cracked.

"God you're an insensitive prick." Amy snapped as they walked back to the car.

"What?" He asked.

"That man has just lost almost everything he owns and you're making cracks about insurance."

"Hey, I was just stating facts."

"God, you know what?" Amy said crossly as they approached the CI car. "Forget it, you are impossible. I bet you have never suffered through anything in your life."

"Hey." He said, his voice losing its bravado. "That's not fair."

"Prove me wrong."

"I might prove you wrong on a lot of conceptions you have about me. That is, if I'm given the chance."

He touched her waist. His hand was warm and gentle but after years of unwanted touching, she flinched without thinking.

"Stop it!" She almost shouted, unwanted tears reflexively springing to her eyes.

Visibly shocked, Alex quickly withdrew his hand.

"I-I'm sorry."

Amy leaned against her the door, closing her eyes momentarily. She felt violated although she knew she had no reason to feel threatened. Alex might be a clown who could take a joke too far but Amy knew he was no monster and was suddenly hit with a stab of remorse.

"Look it's not you-" She started but was interrupted.

"If it's about your childhood-"

His voice petered out and their eyes met for a second, before hers dropped to the ground.

"I didn't know you knew." She said finally.

"I know enough."

"Can we – can we leave it at this please? I don't talk about this and I'd like it if you respected that." Amy asked, biting her lip, acutely aware of the awkwardness of this situation.

"Of course I will. But Amy – I care." He said looking at her earnestly, for once surrendering his usual class clown demeanour.

"We all care. And we're all here…especially me."

Amy was surprised that when she looked up his eyes were still on her, his face caring and giving.

"Thank you."


	2. Part Two

**PART TWO**

Disclaimer: Mt. Thomas and all characters belong to Blue Heelers, Southern Star and Channel 7.

Later that night Amy sat in her office, alone with her thoughts, oddly comforted by the stark silence and still of the deserted station. Her conversation with Alex was still on her mind. She just couldn't figure him out. He must have found out about her past either when her uncle had come to the station or when she had been kidnapped by Steven Prior. Either way, he had never let on. Why was that? Why did he only say that he cared now? Did he even care? Was it care? Kindness? Or pity?

"Amy."

She turned to see PJ standing at the door, in the dim light smiling at her.

"Do you want to come for a drink? Chris is putting on a bit of a farewell at the pub for me tonight. It's not a big deal but…"

Amy had already learnt of PJ's farewell drinks that day in the station but upon hearing about it, she had already made the subconscious decision not to go.

She held a strong dislike for social gatherings which branched from her childhood. After her parents had been killed she found it hard to socialize with people her own age. She felt older, more mature – less in touch with them. They were always complaining about their parents not buying them something and as they got older not letting them go out to parties – Amy didn't have this problem – her parents had died when she was eight. Her Aunty Sally wasn't very strict in that arena but Amy didn't take advantage of this like her peers would have expected her to. She had a different set of worries, far greater than not being allowed to go to a party and these made her feel different and uncomfortable. This feeling was only compounded when her Uncle John had started doing - what he did to her.

Even now, fifteen years later she still felt socially inadequate. She had gotten so used to being by herself she felt distinctly uncomfortable in large social situations. Work was different. At work there was always something to do, something to change the subject to; a focus, a goal. Amy was good at her job and she often comforted herself with the fact that no matter how socially inadequate she was, she was made up for it with the calibre of her work. She had often been told that she was the most conscientious hard working detective that her superior's had come across in a long time and how impressed they were with her 'passion for the job'. People often put her late nights at the office down to this. Sometimes it was true, but sometimes it was only for lack of anything else to do. She always declined the offer for a drink at the pub. Her colleagues were nice and caring but she didn't feel connected to them outside of the workplace. She had no special bond with anyone. Jonesy and Kirby had their friendship which originated back to their childhood days and they often initiated easy camaraderie with the younger members of the station. PJ and the boss had been friends a long time and easy going Mark was a friend to everyone. Kelly and Susie were firm friends and joked and laughed about clothes and life and guys on a daily basis despite the age difference. They shared common interests and as the only uniformed girls in the station they had a bond. Today Amy had accidentally walked in on them having a D+M in the mess room about if they'd even find the perfect guy. They'd tried to include her in the conversation but she'd tactfully made up an excuse and left. Susie and Kelly obviously were waiting for the perfect guy who would shower them with love and attention and security and comfort.

Amy didn't know if she desired this.

She'd gotten enough unwanted 'love' if you could call it that and attention as a kid and she didn't know if she ever wanted to feel that again. Her image of love had been tainted early on and she was aware that she had a warped picture of what it was but she still wasn't sure if she wanted to find out what love was. Amy had experienced a lot of let downs in her life and in her mind, this would inevitably be another notch to add to her belt. But yet, she did want security, comfort, someone to love – and someone to love her. But it was hard to know who you could trust and who you couldn't. Amy had learnt that. In fact she had learnt that it was _too_ hard in most cases. So she just steered clear altogether.

But she looked up at PJ, and his caring, fatherly expression. He waited patiently for her answer. Amy knew he had no ulterior motive. Even with no desire to press into his life, she'd heard from station chatter and gossip about his life. How he had lost his mother, and how he had lost his first fiancée Maggie who she knew the boss also had a special place in his heart for. She had also found out that his second fiancé had died in the bombing, the even which's aftermath brought her to Mt Thomas. PJ had lived it tough; she knew that much, but he still managed to be warm and caring. And through almost a year now of working closely together PJ showed her that he cared. Granted he had pressed harder then she would've liked with the whole situation about her uncle but she knew he had only done it because he cared. Because he wanted to look after her. And even now, she could see him looking out for her through subtle questions and friendly chats. He was the closest she had to a friend and he'd earned her trust – he was one of the only people she never felt threatened by.

And now he was leaving. She didn't know whether she felt relieved or sad. The relief came from knowing that the feeling of exposure that she felt with PJ at times was soon to end. Amy had told him so much about herself, much more than any of her other colleagues knew that she at times felt almost vulnerable by how much he knew about her. However it was because of what he knew that he was so protective of her – and she really appreciated his effort, even if she had a hard time showing it. However, head and shoulders above, she was sad – she was really going to miss him. Amy would miss the way he would galumph into the office every day in his familiar leather jacket, his face warm and fervent. She would miss his passion. She knew he loved being in CI and he was good at what he did because of it. Case after case Amy could almost see his mind ticking over time, taking in and analyzing information, scratching layers from the surface before he got to the truth. Maybe PJ would be better off in Melbourne – more cases, more action and fewer memories. But she would still miss him. And after everything, Amy realized that she at least owed him a farewell drink.

"You know what? I think I will."

Please R+R and tell me what you thought!


	3. Part Three

Thanks for the feedback! Here's the next part.

**PART THREE**

Disclaimer: Mt. Thomas and all characters belong to Blue Heelers, Southern Star and Channel 7.

At the pub the mood was nostalgic and cheery rather than downcast at PJ's departure.

Amy was glad she had come so she could say goodbye to him, but she couldn't deny that she felt awkward and out of place at the pub which she had only visited a handful of times. The other coppers all joked about their memories about PJ and ribbed each other in good fun.

"PJ remember we were looking for a body and we thought it might be under your freshly poured slab?" Jonesy chuckled in memory. "You blew a gasket!"

"Well it was my _slab_!" PJ cried, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Well I have to say that I have quite a few stories to tell myself." Tom teased good-heartedly.

"You were quite a strapping fella in your day!"

"Are you saying something has changed?" Asked PJ, eyebrows raised.

"Well let's just say you've moved on from the sunglasses and leather jacket stage."

"Oh, has he now?" Susie laughed, patting PJ's well worn trademark jacket.

Still relatively knew to Mt Thomas Amy didn't share many of the memories that they fondly recounted. Amy never felt completely comfortable joining in with the easy chatter in the station and this translated to her outside life as well.

"Can I get you something else?" Chris kindly asked the lone figure sitting at the bar.

"Uh yeah. Thanks Chris I'll get a scotch."

As the night grew older Amy repeated this statement a few times over. Amy had never been much of a drinker but that night she felt like she needed a pick me up. She was sad that PJ was leaving and was acutely aware that once he left, she would have no inkling of a friendship with anyone in the station. Despite what Alex had said, she now realized that he had said it out of pity. If he hadn't found out about her past, he probably would have just kept thinking of her as the 'ice queen' – just as everyone else did.

About an hour later the music was cranked up and people were starting to dance.

Amy felt vaguely giddy and light headed and noted in the back of her mind that driving home that night probably wasn't the smartest idea.

"What's a lovely lady like you doing sitting over here on your lonesome?"

She turned at the sound and saw a tall, dark haired man standing over her. For a minute she thought it was Alex and she felt a strange, involuntary clench in her stomach. However after a couple of blinks she realized she was way off the mark. Feeling oddly disappointed, she turned to the man who was taking a seat next to her.

"I'm Tyson. Can I get you another drink?"

She looked at him. He was tall and well built, wearing jeans and an expensive looking shirt. He had high cheekbones and large blue eyes and smile lines, which showed from what Amy gathered to be his twenty five or so years on this earth.

Amy was usually quite quick at judging character from all her years in CI and usually found herself reflexively suspicious of most people she met, but on this occasion, she found that she couldn't pick any stand out details from this man's face, gestures or clothing. He just seemed like a regular, friendly guy. 'And what was the harm in that?' the alcohol in her system asked. Why couldn't she accept a drink from a nice, attractive man? When Amy realized that she couldn't grasp an answer to this question and turned to him, smiling.

"I think I'll take you up on that."

Alex broke away from Jonesy and Susie to get another round of drinks from the bar.

"Hey Chris, I'll get another round of the same thanks."

"All right. So, who's the guy Amy's with?"

"Amy?" Echoed Alex curiously.

"Yeah. She just took off with a tall, dark guy." Chris nudged her head in the direction of the dance floor.

Alex looked over to see the usually serious, business like Detective flinging her hair back and dancing with an attractive man. He whispered something in her ear and Amy laughed, her hand traveling up his back seductively.

_What was she doing_?

However bad it sounded, he had to ask the question. Amy had never seemed like _that_ sort of person – she was business like and straight to the point at work and rarely ventured out to the pub. Unless she did some serious Melbourne pub crawls in the wee hours of the morning, Alex was pretty sure that the station and her work in CI was pretty much her life. Not that he could blame her. With the abuse she had suffered year after year, he couldn't fathom the fear she must have of social gatherings. When Alex had learnt of her abuse he had been shocked. Yet, he didn't want her to feel like an outcast – exposed and different – so he had continued to treat her the same as he always had. Joking and always on her back about one thing or another. Yet apart from the occasional insult she had never blown her top at him. Not until today, when he had had a glimpse into what it really must be like for her, battling day after day against demons from her past. It was because of this, that Alex found it hard to believe that hours after he had seen her almost in tears after being reminded of her abuse, she was tearing up the dance floor as he had never seen before and flirting shamelessly with a man that she was sure he had not met before tonight. It wasn't that he was jealous that she had rejected him, but the fact that she had flung herself onto a complete stranger. Okay maybe he was a little jealous…I mean there was no denying that she was a gorgeous woman. Alex had a knack to seeing beyond people's exteriors and beneath her tough façade Alex could see that Amy had a good heart and was a great person who just needed to be understood and taken care of. Under the cold shell she was vulnerable – more vulnerable then he knew she would ever admit. And it was because of this, that he was concerned at her out of character behaviour.

"Should have got your money down faster, mate. Good things like that don't just wait around you know." Chrissy commented.

"Do I sense a bit of jealousy?"

"No."

Alex frowned and he was concerned enough not to take the joke or even think of a suitable comeback.

"I'm not jealous. I'm just concerned."

"Why?" Asked Chris flatly.

"Well…have _you_ ever seen her act like this?"

"Well, no but to be fair, I haven't seen many people, let alone Amy, drink as much Scotch as she has in the last couple of hours."

She pulled the tray of drinks up onto the counter.

"Anyway, here you go."

"Thanks Chrissy."

Part four to follow…tell me what you thought!


	4. Part Four

**PART FOUR**

Disclaimer: Mt. Thomas and all characters belong to Blue Heelers, Southern Star and Channel 7.

As Tyson spun her around, Amy found herself reveling in the feeling of exhilarating freedom and reckless abandon that she doubted she had ever experienced before. She didn't know whether it was the Scotch, the dancing, the risk she had taken on Tyson or a combination of the three that gave her this feeling. But she quickly came to the conclusion that she kind of liked it. It was different, but good. Maybe it was time for a change. Amy had spent her life in hiding from the world, hiding behind the barriers she had erected for herself in order not to get hurt. It was a foolproof plan really – don't reach out and you won't get burnt. And this was a theory that had worked well. The one time she had reached out into the heat with Garth she had been burnt - badly. And from then she had vowed never to do it again.

But maybe it was time for a new theory. Maybe her theory sounded good but did it really work in practice? Despite not reaching out, she still got burnt. Not in the same way, but burnt nonetheless. And meanwhile, what was she missing out on? What had happened to the old proverbs of 'live your life to the full' or 'the greatest risk is to take no risk'? Maybe it was time for the new Amy.

"Hey I've got something to show you outside." Tyson whispered in her ear as he spun her into his arms.

"Oh yeah? And what would that be?"

"Ahh it's a surprise. I think we need a bit more of a lead up before the big event. How about another drink?"

"Scotch?"

Amy was beginning to think that Scotch was the answer to all her problems. It had certainly helped in the last few hours.

"How about something different? I'll be right back."

Almost the second Tyson left for the bar she felt another pair of hands take her shoulders. Amy turned to see Alex looking at her in a strange way.

"Amy? Are you okay?"

"Kirby!" Amy felt a goofy grin slip its way onto her face.

"Foxy, are you drunk?" Alex asked seriously, looking hard into her eyes.

"No…of course not."

"Amy-"

"Alex, just because I'm having a good time does not mean I'm drunk. What right do you have to ask me that? Aren't I allowed to have a good time?"

"Yes of course you are but-"

"So dance with me Kirby. You said you would be here for me so dance with me."

Alex sighed. She was drunk. But he figured at least if he was dancing with her, he had a hold on her and could make sure she wouldn't do anything stupid.

"Alright Foxy, you've won me over."

"Great!" She cried, her voice slightly slurred.

Alex put both arms around her waist to steady her and they swayed to the heavy beat for a few minutes, although granted she was swaying a lot more than him.

For a moment he relished the feeling of being so close to the woman he cared for so much. He immediately felt guilty though – his job, at least for now was to protect her – and not anything else.

"Amy!"

Alex looked up to see the tall, dark guy back on the scene.

"Tyson! They you are….was starting to think I'd be stuck with this guy all night!" Amy grinned clapping Alex on the shoulder.

Tyson held two open bottles in his hand.

"Take a swig of this, darling. You'll never look back."

Alex's guard came down. There was something in this guy's words, in his gestures, in his smile – something wasn't quite right. Why wasn't Amy picking up on this? After all _she_ was the detective, not him.

"Thanks."

Alex looked on in disbelief as she chugged it down with as much vigour as someone stuck in a desert would chug down water.

"Mmm."

It burned all the way down her throat, but Amy kind of liked the feeling and took another swig.

"Amy – you don't look so well. Do you want me to drive you back to your place?" Alex asked tactfully, giving her what he saw as an easy way out.

Obviously Amy didn't pick up on this. Either that, or she just didn't want his help.

"Nah, I'm right mate. Might stick around here, night's still young!"

"And I'm still here….wouldn't want to go without me, would you?"

Tyson squeezed he waist and she started to giggle.

"So mate…I guess she doesn't really want you around here anymore right?"

Tyson's grin turned sinister for a moment and the look in his eyes made Alex's blood run cold.

"Are you sure she's sober enough to make those kind of decisions?"

"Well if even if she wasn't, I doubt she'd choose you over me. I'd clear off if I was you mate."

Alex yanked his collar so they were standing inches away.

"You better not hurt her, or there will be hell to pay."

Alex shoved him.

"And I'm not your mate."

Alex didn't give the situation time to escalate, rather he just stormed back over to the table, the wheels turning in his mind.

"Grasshopper,"

Alex sat back down next to Jonesy.

"She's gonna get herself into trouble."

Jonesy's head snapped up from where he had been engrossed in Susie and PJ's championship game of pool.

"Susie? What? How?"

Or maybe he was just engrossed in Susie.

"Not Susie,_ Amy_."

Jonesy glanced cavalierly at the direction of Alex's thumb to see Amy holding a bottle of grog and swaying in time with the music.

"Mate, she's just having a good time. A couple of drinks and a dance. Just cos she's serious at work doesn't mean she's not allowed to let loose and have a drink. Lighten up."

Alex turned his attention back to the dancefloor. Maybe he _was_ just overreacting. Maybe she didn't need him. Chris had a tendency to exaggerate and maybe Amy was just having some good, innocent fun. And who was he to stand in her way?

"Yeah…I guess."

Part five to come. Tell me what you thought!


	5. Part Five

**PART FIVE**

Disclaimer: Mt. Thomas and all characters belong to Blue Heelers, Southern Star and Channel 7.

The night grew older and people started to leave, saying their final goodbyes to PJ.

Like the rest, Alex was sad to see him go, but he found his mind preoccupied with other thoughts. He felt bad about the way he had acted earlier with Amy. She had as much right as everyone else to have a good time, have a drink and dance with a guy. He had thought he was protecting her but maybe it was something else? What was it? Why didn't he want her to be with that guy, why did it feel wrong?

One word crept to his mind, but it was so hard to admit that he didn't want it to register. But as anything else unpleasant, it manifested itself in his mind until it landed – deep, hard and true.

_Jealousy._

Jonesy looked to see Amy with her hands around the guy's waist and the guy leading him outside.

"Jonesy!"

He looked up to see Susie standing there.

"Can I get a lift or scab a few dollars? I put down my wallet and now its gone."

Jonesy smiled.

"Typical girls! You'd lose your head if it wasn't screwed on!"

Susie punched his arm.

"I may have lost my wallet, but I haven't my fist!"

"Well when you put it that way, how can I refuse? But there's one condition…"

"I am not doing your paper work!" Susie cut in quickly. "I'd much rather walk!"

Jonesy rolled his eyes good naturedly.

"I wasn't going to say that! I'll give you a lift, on the condition that you dance with me."

Susie grinned, as Jonesy worked a smile onto her face as only he could.

"You're on!"

They move to the floor and started to dance, feeling the music and Susie threw her head back in laughter as Jonesy exaggeratedly swung his hips to the beat.

"You're not going to make this easy for me are you?" She laughed.

"Nope! I'm getting my money's worth!"

Alex sat back, alone at the table. He watched Susie and Jonesy dance away, laughing and joking and he smiled. They were right for each other and he knew deep down they knew it too. The whole roundabout route was getting tiring but Alex knew sooner or later they would fall into each other's arms.

He took another swig of his drink. As much as he liked to flirt and joke, deep down he craved stability. Someone he could rely on, trust…someone who would always be there for him. His friends were as close as it got, but sometimes he just wanted more.

He surveyed the room which had thinned considerably in the last half hour. He noticed PJ and Chris sharing one last quiet drink at the bar and Tom heading out the door. Kelly and Joss had left minute earlier amidst rants and raves about which sex would be more likely to inhabit Mars. Mark was long gone which left Amy…

He quickly turned, scanning the room for her figure. She wasn't there. Alex didn't know what it was, his copper instinct or just plain common sense, but he started to feel worried.

He got up and headed towards the dancefloor.

"Suse can I borrow your partner for a minute?"

They both looked up and Susie cracked up.

"Depends what it's for!" She grinned flirtatiously at Jonesy.

"Well, you know me…always liked to live on the edge!" Jonesy cracked.

"Get your mind out of the gutter Jonesy!"

"Speak for yourself!"

Alex broke him off in mid sentence and pulled him aside but before he could speak, Jonesy jumped in.

"What's up mate? If this is about putting stuff on your tab, I swear-"

"Grasshopper."

Alex stared him down, and Jonesy found himself with a side of Alex he rarely saw.

"Where's Amy?"

Jonesy suddenly broke out in a grin. Of course Alex was wetting himself over a girl. CI, granted, but still.

"Mate, seriously leave her alone! If she doesn't want to be with you, let it go!"

"Seriously Jonesy - where is she?"

"What are we doing?" Amy's voice was slurred as she the cool air confronted her bare skin.

"Just having some fun."

He threaded his hands through her dark, fine hair, watching as the moonlight played off her features.

"Just having some fun." He repeated. "I'll show you a night you will never forget."

Jonesy scratched his head.

"I don't know where she is mate, I'm not her baby-sitter – oh wait. I saw her going out the back door, are you satisfied?"

Alex ignored his last question, pouncing on the information.

"When?" Alex demanded.

"I don't know…ten minutes ago? What's the big deal? It's not like she'd do anything stupid."

"Ow!" Amy's arm started to ache as Tyson dragged her harshly down the dark alleyway.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere fantastic." Tyson answered, all the while looking over his shoulder as the shadows danced in the otherwise still night.

As they moved faster and fast Amy's head started to spin.

"Let's go back inside." Her breathing became heavier. "I don't want to do this."

Even swimming in alcohol, she could feel something wasn't right.

But instead of letting her go or leading her back, his grip on her tightened.

"You want this. You've wanted this all night…don't you dare back out now."

"Jonesy I have a really bad feeling about this. Was she by herself?"

"No. She was with…someone." Jonesy said distractedly, his eyes still drawn to the dance floor.

"Who?" Alex asked sharply.

"Tyson."

With his name associations came flooding in. His smooth but somehow cunning words, the evil glint in his eye, his sinister grin.

And all at once, the pieces fell together and Alex's eyes widened as he realized what was going to happen.

"Let me go!"

Amy's vision swam as she tried to get free but no matter how hard she tried, but she wasn't strong enough.

"You wanted this! Now just shut up or someone will get hurt!"

She cried out as he violently shoved her against the fence, once, twice.

She felt fear build up in her throat as he slammed her head for a third time.

"LET ME GO!"

Alex grabbed Jonesy's arm as he pulled him out the door, starting to run the second his feet hit the gravel.

"Ow! You're gonna pull it out of its socket!" Jonesy exclaimed.

"Shut up Jonesy! He's got her!"

"Who?"

Alex was screaming now.

"Tyson! He's got her you idiot, he's got her!"

"Shut up!"

His voice had become harsh, wild, uncontrollable.

"You want this!"

Suddenly his face was up against hers, his breath on her face.

"You deserve this!"

He shoved her to the ground. Amy tried to fight but he was too big, too strong.

Suddenly pain seared inside her and she screamed – long, hard and loud until it all faded away and all she could see was black.

Suddenly a scream pierced the dark air and at once, both Alex and Jonesy knew.

"AMY!"


	6. Part Six

Disclaimer: Mt. Thomas and all characters belong to Blue Heelers, Southern Star and Channel 7.

**PART SIX**

Alex ran fast, faster than he ever had. He had heard that scream and it was a scream he had heard many times in his years as a member of the Victorian Police Force. It was the terrified scream of an innocent victim. It was the scream of a person who heard, saw or felt something so terrible they could do no more. It was the response when both the fight and flight responses failed – it was what they did when there was nothing else left.

Alex rounded the corner to see the headlights blink and an engine rev. God if he had Amy in that car-

"ALEX!"

Jonesy's voice sliced through the air.

"I've got her, I've got her!"

Alex's relief at realizing Amy was still here quickly turned to horror as her scream played over again in his mind, like the skipping track of a horror movie and Alex froze. He almost didn't want to see her. Could he handle seeing her like that - a victim, vulnerable and exposed?

"ALEX! GET OVER HERE!"

Jonesy's words hollered panic and desperation, and suddenly, Alex realized how the world must look through Amy's eyes. The feelings she endured not just tonight, but every other night of her life.

Desperation for someone to care enough to want to guide her, to protect her, to look after her. Panic that if she found herself in a situation where she needed someone, there would be no-one to turn to. A devastating need to find someone; anyone; who could help her.

Alex made a vow to himself at that moment, to be that person. He didn't want her to feel like that any longer, stumble through life scared of what was to come next. He wanted to be able to take those feelings away, to be that person. And being that person started now.

Alex shoved Jonesy away from Amy, his overwhelming urge to protect her, fuelling his faculties. As Jonesy took off in pursuit of the car, Alex drew upon Amy's crumpled body, his heart beating in his throat. He frantically felt for a pulse, his fingers trembling as he pressed down. It was there. God, it was faint but it was there. She was hanging on.

"JONESY!"

Alex was screaming at the top of his lungs, coarse tears welling in his eyes. He hadn't cried since….since forever. But he was overcome with an emotion so strong that he couldn't comprehend much less ignore it.

"Black Holden that's all I could tell," an out of breath Jonesy yelled but Alex barely even registered his voice.

"Call an ambulance, call an ambulance!" Alex yelled frantically.

"She could go at any second!"

As Jonesy grabbed his phone, Alex cradled Amy's limp body in his arms. Blood was matted against her soft dark hair and Alex used his jacket to try and stem the gushing wound. But everywhere he pressed it seemed to gush more. She was losing so much blood; it seeped onto his hands, onto his clothes. It was everywhere.

Suddenly Alex was blinded by the lights of the ambulance, the sirens blaring as they screeched up.

A sort of surreal panic followed, two men jumping out and leaping into action, pushing Alex away and yelling short sharp orders and a jumble of medical terms which scrambled his brain into turmoil.

"_Head-laceration-abdominal-hematoma-possible-fracture-penetration-rape-"_

_Rape._

With their last word Alex dropped to his knees.

Not again, it couldn't be.

Amy had fought so much. She had suffered through so much already, how could life be so cruel?

The word played over in his mind, her screams reverberating each time and a thought crept into his mind.

Was it finally time for her to let go? Was he ultimately facing now, the oxymoron of being cruel to be kind? Was it better for her to stop suffering now, before it got any worse? Could he really do anything to help her now, after everything? Was he naïve to think that he could save her from her past?

He looked over to Amy, and despite the blood and the bruises and the dirt, saw the beauty in her face. And the beauty that told him that all she needed was an opportunity. A chance.

Alex bit his lip. She couldn't die like this. She had hung on for so long already, she deserved a lucky break. And if she got it, Alex would be there for her. Supporting her, building her back up, every step of the way. Whatever it took, he was going to be there for her.

Just only if she could get that chance.

"We're taking her now!"

The voice of the ambulance officer pierced the air as they lifted Amy onto a stretcher, moving quickly towards the van.

Alex ran to catch up to them and grabbed Amy's hand, leaning in close.

"Just keep fighting Amy."

The tears in his throat weakened his voice as he gripped her hand.

"You can do it Amy. Just keep fighting and everything will be okay."

The end of his sentence was punctuated by Alex's hand losing grip on Amy's, as the ambulance officers loaded her into the back.

Alex watched them take Amy from him, close the doors, and take off, every second acutely aware of the distance from Amy widening, until the ambulance was lost from his sight. Standing there, in the wake of their siren and headlights, Amy's blood on his hands, Alex just prayed that he hadn't lost her forever.

A/N: Feedback would be great! Thanks!


	7. Part Seven

**PART SEVEN**

**Disclaimer: **All characters are property of Ch7/Souther Star. Lyrics belong to Delta Goodrem.

**AMY**

It is white. Too white.

Then suddenly there is colour, but it is a silent colour, one which does not speak, does not inform.

But it is a changing colour, for within it appears noise. Commotion.

I hear voices, loud, booming, frantic.

Then I blink and suddenly there is a shape that takes form in front of me.

_Who is this face I see _

_Why is this happening to me? _

There is someone over me. I can see the person but I cannot recognize him. Who is he? He starts to touch me and I freeze. This was over so long ago. Why has he come back to haunt me? There is pain, a familiar pain, everywhere, and it is engulfing me. I just want it to stop.

_Out of patience _

_Out of balance_

_Out of time _

I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. I try to shift to attract attention but I cannot move. I am trapped. I am watching the world from inside a looking glass and I can't get out. I frantically to do something, anything but suddenly the breath catches in my throat and I can't breathe. I am suffocating, suffocating in this bewildering chaos of colour and sound.

_Looking for a different space _

_Searching for my inner place _

Then suddenly I hear it. I see it. Everything seems to freeze for one second, as the one colour, one sound, one moment in time that I have been waiting for, detaches from the commotion and suddenly I recognise. I recognise the love and caring and warmth and comfort that suddenly takes form in one person and I want to reach out and let them envelope me. Let them make it okay, let them make it all better. I want them to take my away from this place, where nothing makes sense, I want them to love me.

For a moment I can almost touch him. But I cannot. It is too far, too hard. I cannot go to him, I want him to come to me. He moves towards me and for a moment, one moment of ecstasy I feel his touch but as suddenly as I am granted this reprieve it is snatched away.

Suddenly it feels like everything is closing in. The walls, the sound, the colour, it is all rushing towards me, and they begin to interweave and I cannot tell one from the other, I cannot tell where one starts and one ends. I lose him in this horrible disarray as it all surges towards me, the rush of chaos returning.

_Out of breath_

_Out of focus_

_These shapes in my mind _

In my panic I try to make sense of it. I try to rationalise what is happening to me but I cannot and the more I try to think, the more scared I feel. I can't see him, I can't feel him, I want him to make it better but he's not here. He has gone. It is just me, all by myself clutching onto chaos, the only thing I have left.

Then suddenly I realise. As much as all this scares me, the noise and the colour, as much as it terrifies me, I am still scared to let it go. Because no matter how horrible it is, how painful, how awful it is still something. And I am afraid that if I let it go, there will be nothing left.

But there is something. There is him. Waiting, patient, caring and loving but until I let go, he cannot come. He is unexplored and uncertain, exactly what I need to open myself to. I have to trust that he will wait for me as I find his path. I have to take a hold of me and let go of everything else before I can go to him.

Because the one thing he cannot do is save me. I have to save myself.

_Things are changing _

_So much arranging of my life _

_I must take hold _

And suddenly I'm spinning. Around and around, a swift repetitive motion, and as I am swept up I seem to be leaving it all behind. The noise fades, the sound disappears, the colours curve and bend, changing to a white, a white, which amalgamates all I feel, which grows lighter and without burden and as the weight drops off the whirlpool envelops me faster and faster, more and more.

_I'll keep on spinning until I find_

_Myself again._

Feedback would be much appreciated!


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